She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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