one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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