I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
