I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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