Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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