there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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