I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just had sex on a roof
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
