I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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