I hate all girls vehemently.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
