At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
