How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize