Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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