we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She even gives head with a lisp.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
