btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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