I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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