So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
