why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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