Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
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I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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