Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
