I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
