I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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