Fuck appropriateness.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
