the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
