When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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