Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
