Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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