You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
