there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"