I didn't shave. On purpose
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.