This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?