Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things