Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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