I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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