remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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