i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
