i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
