i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
