Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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