Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
