He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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