Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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