No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
