You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
