I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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