Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize