Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
