I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
