I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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