Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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