I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My cat gives me a boner
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
