who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
