His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have already put on my inside pants.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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