my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
