just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
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When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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