idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
