your thong is hanging out like whoa
Kiss
Puke
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
