At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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