i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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